“I Never Thought I’d Be Here”: Finding Gratitude in the Life You Have

It’s something I hear often from women who sit across from me—both in my office and out here on the farm beside the horses.They’ll pause, look down, and say quietly, “I never thought this is where I would be in my life right now.”

That statement always lands with such weight.Because behind it is so much: grief, disappointment, confusion, self-judgment, longing.

We all carry an inner picture of how we thought things would go—the career, the relationship, the family, the sense of purpose. And when life doesn’t align with that vision, it’s easy to feel like we’ve failed or missed something essential.

But often, what’s really happening isn’t failure at all. It’s simply that life is inviting us into a deeper kind of presence—one that can only be accessed when we stop measuring where we should be, and start tending to where we are.

The Fisherman and the Friend

I was recently talking with my sister about this, and she shared a parable that a monk she trained with once told her:

One day a fisherman sat on the shore of the river enjoying the sun and the water.

His friend came along and asked him why he was not out fishing.

He replied that he and his family already had plenty.

The friend suggested he go fishing anyway to make more money.

The fisherman asked, "What for?"

"To buy nicer things and have a bigger house," the friend replied.

"And after that?"

"Save up to retire so you can spend your days relaxing by the water."

The fisherman looked confused.

"But isn't that what I am doing already?"

I love this story because it gets right to the heart of what so many of us forget: we are often already living the moments we think we’re chasing. We just don’t recognize them because our minds are fixed on “what’s next.”

The Subtle Art of Being With What Is

When we catch ourselves thinking “I never thought I’d be here,” it can be a gentle reminder to pause—to look around and notice what is here. The warmth of the morning light. The sound of birds. The small but steady rhythm of life that continues no matter what hasn’t gone as planned.

Our nervous systems are wired for seeking—always scanning for what’s missing or what could be better. But what we truly crave isn’t more, it’s presence. Gratitude. Belonging to this exact moment.

What the Horses Teach

Out here on the farm, I see this truth reflected daily. Horses don’t measure success or worry about what’s next. They live entirely in the present moment. When we come to them with the noise of our unmet expectations or our restless striving, they feel it immediately.

But when we exhale—when we let ourselves arrive—they meet us there. They remind us that peace isn’t something we earn; it’s something we return to.

The Invitation

So if you find yourself whispering, “I never thought I’d be here,” see if you can soften that thought.

Add, "…and yet, here I am.”

Maybe life looks different than you imagined. Maybe it’s quieter, slower, messier, or more uncertain. But there’s still beauty here. There’s still sunlight and breath and the chance to notice what’s right in front of you.

Like the fisherman, perhaps you’re already sitting beside the river you thought you had to work your whole life to reach.

And if you’re longing to reconnect with that sense of presence—to come home to yourself and your life as it is—the horses and I would be honored to walk with you. My work with women on the farm is all about this: slowing down, grounding in gratitude, and rediscovering meaning right where you are.